The Bible© – Goodies, Baddies and “Unknown”

This one isn’t a uni essay (It would be great if it was).  It’s something I did in January 2009 with my flatmate Josh and friend Ben.  We enjoyed ourselves.  Hilarious conversation ensued on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=46101099796

~~~

by Joshua (Goody), Caleb (Unknown) and Benjamin (Baddy).

The Bible can be a confusing book, so here’s a guide to the most important characters, listed in their respective allegiances so you can know who to root for and who to root out. The Bible’s pretty noir, so there aren’t that many goodies.

 

Goodies

Esther

Jesus

Stephen

Mary

Ishmael

King Josiah

Abel

The Good Judas

Rahab

“Noah”

The Poor, and Aliens

Samson

Ehud (The Dagger Man)

The disciple Jesus loved

The (good) revolutionary on the cross

Maui

John the Anabaptist

Tax collectors ‘n’ prostitutes

Melchizedek

Fish

Certain Astrologers

Certain Eunuchs

Charlton Heston

Sadducees

Nathan

Mary

 

Baddies

Satan

Jezebel

Pharaoh

Mary

Eve/the snake

Goliath

Isaac

Elisha

Cain

King Herod(s)

All Kings not otherwise mentioned

Ham

Delilah

Job (obviously)

Doubting Thom

Jael (uppity)

Joseph (f***ing tall poppy)

Legion

Lot’s daughters

Charging interest

Esau

Moabites

Habakkuk

Goats

Most Dragons, and the little foxes that ruin the vineyards.

Mammon

Foreskins

Pharisees

Uriah the Hittite

Martha

 

“Unknown”

Judas Iscariot (Who betrayed Our Lord)

King Solomon

Paul

Nebuchadnezzar

Barnabus

Ezekiel

Pontius Pilate

The Holy Spirit

Nephilim

Potiphar

Jonah (not Lomu)

Possessed Swine

The Accuser

Women

The Uncircumcised

The Rich

Jonathon (may have been G.A.Y.)

Mose

Slavery

Various Simons

Jews

Zealots

Bathsheba the Hottie

Lazarus

 

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About calebmorgan

I write political blogs at cutyourhair.wordpress.com and sometimes other stuff at calebmorgan.wordpress.com. View all posts by calebmorgan

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